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Thanks & Updates
- Many thanks to all those using my Amazon.com links (http://QuitBingeEating.com/Amazon). You’re helping the podcast tremendously!!!
- Many thanks as well to those who have donated to the podcast. You know who you are. I can’t thank you enough :-).
- Planning a July 11 podcast release talking with Andrew Walen about what recovery really is.
- Planning a live July 30th video broadcast with Andrew Walen again talking about recovery, but this time we’re planning to talk with folks who are well into their own Binge Eating Disorder recoveries. Make sure you sign up for the newsletter to get more details!
My 2013 Personal Goal Updates
Here Alen shares how his 2013 has gone so far. It’s been a great year so far!
Surviving Reunions & Meeting Someone From Your Past
- First, decide if you’re going for sure or not. I suggest you think about how bad the situation could really be. My first thoughts are will there be any truly nasty people there who have ridiculed you or others in the past or who caused you any public discomfort because of your weight? This could be family or friends. But really think about this. Don’t go off assumptions or guesses or what you think they might have said behind your back or to others. They either did or they didn’t. Don’t guess or assume. If you know someone that’s going to be there has truly done these things… you truly know and have experienced it then maybe it’s best to not go. However if the person or folks you’re going to see have never actually done anything like that to you in the past and you think you might want to go or meet then I recommend you assume the best and plan on going. But again, if the situation could be toxic and you know for certain what likely will happen then stay away. You don’t need that in your life. None of us do.
- Before you go to the event, I recommend you rehearse some responses in your mind just so you feel ready to handle any comments thing that might come your way. I’m a big believer in role player and visualization because it always seems to help me. A week to a few days ahead walk yourself through any conversation you think that might come up that you’re insecure about. Imagine someone saying something about how you look like you’re gained a few pounds. Likely no one would say something like that but just imagine it. In that case you should have some responses ready that you feel comfortable delivering. Here are some situations to game plan in your head.
- If the comment is from a close person like your mother or a sister and it’s being delivered without mal intent but rather with concern, maybe have a response ready like “Mom, I know you’re concerned but I really don’t want to talk about it. I’m comfortable with who I am and what’s going on.” Then change the topic. If there is a follow-up just emphasize again that you really don’t want to talk about it.
- If the comment is from someone who was close and it’s not mean but maybe something along the lines of offering help or some ideas just accept that they think they are trying to help you. Maybe imagine the person is offering some, we’ll call it unsolicted advice, like talking about a certain diet or weight loss plan that they recommend you look into. I honestly doubr someone you like and respect would do that but just gameplan it out with me. What would you do? I’d suggest rehearsing a response similar to the first one and say something like “That’s interesting.” and then immediately try changing the topic by asking a question back not related to their suggestion. Make them realize that you don’t want to have this conversation. Most people will get the hint and move on.
- Third, there is always the worse case option to role play, and that’s role playing like someone is actually going to make a nasty comment about how you look. I’d bet this will almost never happen, especially if you know these folks and never saw and behavior from them towards others like it. But we’re here just role playing so you’re mentally ready and can feel confident about the situation when you go. So in this case, if it were to happen, I’d suggest you simply ignore what they said. Look right through them or turn away and ignore it like the comment was never made. No matter how hard you want to react, hit them or yell back, ignore the comment. You’re in control of the situation when you do this. They have no control. These type are people are looking for a response and if you react, especially if you react hurt, then they feel they won. Don’t give them the pleasure. If you feel you must respond to such nasty comments, then use this classic one… just pause for a few seconds, stare at them for a few seconds and then simply ask, “Why would you say something like that to me?” and then immediately change the topic.
- And along the lines of visualization, I recommend you try to visualize yourself having fun at the event. Try to project yourself into the future and watch yourself having a good time and talking it up. See yourself smiling and laughing. You know this is going to be a good time. Just imagine all the good things that might happen. Role pay all the good things!
- So now you’re feeling mentally ready for any situation and it’s early morning on the day of the event. My best recommendation? Get yourself a good workout. A really good one where you feel super tired afterwards but strong and vibrant. No matter how large you are or out of shape, that feeling will carry with you all day and give you confidence. If all you can do is walk then walk a few extra miles that morning. Swim. Just push yourself to the point where you feel extra good about yourself. Then after your workout have a healthy breakfast and take on your day until your event. For me, after a good hard workout I feel like superman and know I can handle whatever happens that day. I think the same can be said for most of us.
- Fourth and finally, right before you attend the event or meet the person or persons do some slow focused breathing exercises to calm and center yourself. If you’re feeling anxious then accept that you’re feeling anxious but don’t fight it. Just continue your slow breathing until you notice you’re not feeling as anxious, scared, whatever. You want to find a calm center and try to keep that feeling as you go into the event.
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Legal and Disclaimers
- The Quit Binge Eating Podcast is produced and recorded by Alen Standish. All rights are reserved. If you want to use part of this show elsewhere then please submit your request at QuitBingeEating.com/feedback.
- The host of the Quit Binge Eating podcast is not a doctor or a trained eating disorder specialist and can’t offer personal counseling or medical advice. The opinions and advice of this podcast, website, newsletter or anything or anyone else heard here are based on personal experiences and are not intended to replace the services of trained health professionals.
- Music was provided by Broke for Free at brokeforfree.com. Tracks include Blown Out from their Leaf album and Something Elated from their Something album.