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Judgmental People, Judging Others and Judging Ourselves
Alen talks about his own run in with a couple of old judgmental friends recently.
Also, from the podcast, here are some general tips for how to deal with negative self-judgement. Some of these are my own and some are those I gathered in my research. There are in no specific order.
- Accept and love yourself for who you are. Fully accept yourself and realize you’re constantly changing and evolving. Love your body and your mind or rather your being. There may be some parts of you that want to change but realize change is a slow thing. Don’t do anything to hurt yourself in order to change some part of yourself or your body.
- Don’t judge just yourself based on your actions or inactions. If you need to judge something then judge the action or inaction, not yourself. You need to stop equating the action with your value. It’s an action. It happened or didn’t happen, whatever.
- Be mindful and possibly start a meditation practice. For me this was a fundamental part of my recovery from binge eating and also for healing so many other areas of my life to include managing my judgmental ways. Mindfulness allows us to see our emotions for what they are and gives us a peaceful mind. Best of all, it keeps us from falling back into a mindless, auto-pilot like existence that so many people in the world are living.
- Don’t compare yourself to others; you’re one of a kind… of course you are not exactly like everyone else. I’m not trying to sound contrite but it’s so true. We all are unique. We can’t measure our self worth and value against another. It just doesn’t work that way.
Try to keep a positive mental attitude about everything. Make yourself feel upbeat even when you’re feeling a bit down or tired. I realize that for those struggling with depression this is much easier said than done. I get that. However for those not suffering from deep depression it can be a huge help. According to various happiness studies, 50% of our levels of happiness are based on our own attitudes, not our life situation or physical factors. 50% is all about having the right attitude. For those interested just read the book Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert to learn more. Great book. He also gave a great Ted talk that I’ll have a link to in the show notes.
So how should you deal with judgement from others? Of course my first answer is to make sure you’re begun working on your own self-judgement issues. Once you’re confident in your own mind then dealing with others is not so bad. That’s not to say dealing with judgmental people won’t perhaps make you angry or drive you a bit crazy. They always will, especially if it’s a judgmental family member you’re dealing with. You just need to learn how to control your reactions to it. For instance:
- Stay calm; breathe and don’t fall for the bait. Some people are just trying to provoke a fight; don’t fell to their level
- If you want to respond without getting into a point by point argument, simply state you respect their opinion but that you and hope they can respect your decisions as well.
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- The Quit Binge Eating Podcast is produced and recorded by Alen Standish. All rights are reserved. If you want to use part of this show elsewhere then please submit your request at QuitBingeEating.com/feedback.
- The host of the Quit Binge Eating podcast is not a doctor or a trained eating disorder specialist and can’t offer personal counseling or medical advice. The opinions and advice of this podcast, website, newsletter or anything or anyone else heard here are based on personal experiences and are not intended to replace the services of trained health professionals.
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